My Ex Never Contacts Me First (Ex Doesn't Initiate with You) (2023)


If you’re worried that your ex never contacts you first but replies, then Clay Andrews is going to share with you why it doesn’t matter if your ex doesn’t initiate with you.

If you’d like more advice to help you get the love life you want without the mind games, check out

To learn more things that surprisingly don’t matter in the process of getting back together with your ex, be sure to check out our playlist on the subject;

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Are you concerned that your ex never contacts you first and that you have to be the one to initiate all contact with your ex if anything is ever going to happen?

Although it may seem like something incredibly important if your ex never contacts you first, it really has pretty much nothing to do with getting back together with your ex.

There are a lot of reasons why your ex might be hesitant to start communication with you.

Maybe they are afraid of leading you on.
Maybe they aren't sure where things are going to go
Maybe they miss you but they think that you would never forgive them for hurting you
The bottom line is that it doesn't matter if your ex is initiating contact with you or you are initiating contact with your ex. The most important thing is that the two of you are connecting on an emotional level and growing closer together.

Anything else is simply keeping score and it isn't going to help you get back together with your ex.

If you want some extra help getting your ex back, be sure to sign up over at

The important take away from this is that it really doesn’t matter who is initiating contact as long as you are having interactions that are positive and feel good on an emotional level.

If you can do this, then the emotional block between you and your ex will start to fade away and the interactions will feel better and better.

After a certain point, the interactions will feel so good that your ex will probably start initiating contact again on their own…

…At least assuming that it is within their character to do so. Some people are just naturally passive and you have to accept them as they are and not hope that they change into something different.

If you can’t do that then you really shouldn’t be trying to date them.

However, this whole business about your ex never contacting you first is really a non-issue and I’ve mostly noticed it when people are simply searching for something to be wrong so that they an obsess over it and rev up their anxiety and fear.

Don’t fall into this trap. Just focus on having high quality interactions that feel good.

Clay Andrews has been helping people save their relationships since 2009.


Hey there, it's Clay with, and this is Relationship Inner Game., Now, today.

What I want to do as I want to share with you a couple of different things: that, that don't actually matter very much when it comes to getting back together with your ex.

We're, going to go through that in this series of videos, some things that people seem to focus on a lot that actually have zero importance whatsoever when it comes to getting back together with your ex.


The first thing that we're going to be talking about in this video right now is what it means.

If your ex never initiated contact with you.

If, they are always the one waiting for you to text them or call them or ask them to do something.


If you just like, stopped doing that, then you would just never hear from them again.


What you need to understand when it comes to all of this is that this actually is not something that you need to worry.


The most important thing when it comes to getting back together with your ex, is not who is initiating contact with who or how long it takes them to respond to you or any of this other stuff.

Because, honestly, what all of that is is keeping score and I think we all know that keeping score in a relationship is not the best thing for you to do.

For the longterm success of your relationship, and so if keeping score is probably gonna lead to the downfall of a relationship, then why would keeping score be something that you should be doing in order to save or revitalize or necessitate an ailing relationship.

So? What I would recommend that you do is to not focus on who is initiating, who is not initiating or if you're, initiating 75% of the time and they're initiating the other 25% of the time or whatever, because that's just keeping score.

That is not going to help you get back together., In fact,! It's just going to cause you to build a higher and higher level of resentment toward them.


You know in your mind, not initiating enough, and what really is most important is to focus on the quality of the emotional connection.

To the two of you are having, when the two of you actually are connecting, when the two of you actually are interacting, texting, emailing, meeting up in person, whatever.

That is the most important thing.


You also have to understand that your access, probably understandably, a little bit hesitant or a little bit doubtful about whether or not they want to be interacting with you or whether or not.

Your intentions are pure, so to say.

When it comes to you reaching out to them, right, so they're.

They're, probably not going to be interacting with you, because keep in mind, they decided to leave the relationship, right? They decided to break up with you and go do whatever, and so, if you want to get back together with them, you have to be willing to do the initiating and to change their mind.


This is me talking to you.


I know that you are the ones who generally keeps score about, who is initiating and who isn't.


I know that oftentimes it can feel as if your drifting into very unfamiliar, unsafe territory, if it seems that you are doing all or most of the initiating, it seems that you are doing most of the contacting.

Okay? And I want you to know that this is not something you need to worry.


What you need to focus on is the quality of the emotional connection between you and your ex.

First and foremost, do not keep score.


The quality of the emotional connection becomes strong enough to a certain point.

Then he is going to actually fall back in love with you.


Then he will start to do more of the initiating, more of the contacting, etc.


So don't worry about that.

Just focus on the quality of the emotional connection.


If you are watching this video on our website, modern, loved out life, what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to go down below this video and click on a link down below this video.

That will take you to a page that will tell you more about how you can go ahead and deepen the emotional connection that you have with your ex, so that eventually he or she might start contacting you and mark start initiating things with you, but again.

First, you have to build up that connection to a certain point., First and foremost.

If you are watching this video over on youtube, again, just down below this video in the description, area, there's gonna be a little place for you to go ahead and click.

The link.

That'll take you over to a page called Relationship, Inner Game, and what you can do on that page is you can go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself and your breakup and your ex and all of that.

It'll just take about 30 seconds to just tick a couple boxes and let me know kind of what's going on with you and your relationship, and then after that I'll start to send you some tips and strategies that will help you get back together with your ex and help.

You form a stronger emotional connection, but either way, whether you're on youtube or on our website,


Next thing for you to do is to go down below this video and click in the link in the description or just the link below this video.


Thanks again for watching.

We'll talk to you next time, when we have another thing that people often think is very important that actually doesn't matter what so ever.


Please go ahead and like this video, if you like it and leave a comment down, below.

Just kind of letting me know what sorts of videos you would like to see me make in the future.


This has been Clay with

This has been Relationship, Inner, Game and I'll talk to you in our next video.

Please take care.


Why doesn t he initiate contact first? ›

Sometimes he is hesitant to initiate conversations because of a previous relationship. Maybe he was cheated on by a partner or was in an abusive relationship. Due to the toxic past relationship influence, he may be protective of his feelings in the present and this may lead him to avoid any initiated interactions.

Why does my ex give short replies? ›

Culprit #1: Your Text Message Was Boring

Without a hook, your ex may want to be polite and send a short response, but he is not likely to give you the long response you want. Make sure you do not fall prey to old communication patterns. In other words, make sure your text messages don't suck.

Why would an ex reach out then not respond? ›

Your ex might not be responding to you because they're short on time, they have too much emotional baggage, or because your message just wasn't interesting enough for them. Either way, these four things will help ensure that your ex responds to you: Complete the no contact rule before reaching out to your ex.

What to do if your ex doesn t respond after no contact? ›

If she still doesn't answer, leave it for a day or two and then call her again. Chances are, she will be curious about what you want and she will answer this time. If not, text her this: “Hey! I tried calling you yesterday to ask you something quick, but I assume you were too busy to answer.

Is it a red flag if he doesn't text first? ›

They Never Text You First. Conversations are a two-way street. If you are putting in all the work and effort to initiate the conversation or keep it going, you're better off just letting them go. You deserve someone who is just as eager and excited to get to know you as you are about them.

What to do when he never initiates contact? ›

He Doesn't Initiate Contact But Always Responds
  1. Be the pursuer. Accept that you are the pursuer in the relationship, at least for the time being. ...
  2. Know what you can change. Recognize that you can't change him. ...
  3. Be confident. ...
  4. Approach deeper topics. ...
  5. Maintain boundaries. ...
  6. Know what you want.

Why does my ex barely text me? ›

Your ex probably doesn't want anything to do with you right after a breakup, so there's almost no chance they'll respond to you, and if they do respond, it'll probably be something along the lines of “leave me alone.”

Why is ex sending mixed signals? ›

Your ex might be sending you mixed signals because they are experiencing confusion about how to handle the breakup. They aren't sure exactly how they are feeling yet and want to keep their romantic options with you open in case they decide they want to come back.

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you? ›

Today we will go through 13 signs that show your ex is truly done with you.
  • Your Exes Rebound Is No Longer A Rebound.
  • They Never Unblock You.
  • It's Been Months And All Of Your Pictures Together Are Still Up.
  • You Can Tell They Are Just Responding To Be Nice To You.
Sep 10, 2021

Why is my ex breadcrumbing me during no contact? ›

They might have an innocent reason, like a desire for friendship they don't quite know how to communicate. Sometimes, though, breadcrumbing from an ex can also suggest an attempt to maintain control or rekindle your interest, particularly if you ended the relationship.

How do you know if your ex is not interested in you anymore? ›

How to Recognize When Your Ex Won't Come Back, and How to Move On
  • 1 They found someone else.
  • 2 They're enjoying their life.
  • 3 They're reinventing themselves.
  • 4 They don't want to be friends.
  • 5 They block you.
  • 6 They deleted all your photos together.
  • 7 They physically avoid you.
  • 8 They act cold toward you.

How do you know if your ex will never talk to you again? ›

They might change their number, block you on all social media platforms, or block your calls and messages. They make every possible effort to not be available for you. If this happens for quite some time, it's a clear sign that they are not interested in contacting you or being contacted by you.

Can your ex miss you but not contact you? ›

In general, no contact works best on people who tend to act on impulse, and on those with little patience. Because the truth is, during no contact with your ex, they will start to miss you no matter what. What they do with that feeling is dependent on their personality.

What if your ex ignores you? ›

Maybe they moved on and want nothing to do with you anymore. Maybe they're doing the whole no-contact thing. Maybe they're pissed off. Your ex could also just be protecting themselves from any unwanted emotions — perhaps they fear that if they respond, they'll re-open their breakup wounds.

How long should ex no contact rule last? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Is dry texting a red flag? ›

A text exchange with no emotion could be a red flag, she notes. If the texts are flat, with no smiling in the language and little energy, this might be an indication the date is emotionally aloof. Some people manage the anxiety of attachment by trying to control their environment, Winsberg points out.

What is the biggest red flag in a guy? ›

15 red flags in a relationship to look out for
  1. Overly controlling behavior. Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. ...
  2. Lack of trust. ...
  3. Feeling low self-esteem. ...
  4. Physical, emotional, or mental abuse. ...
  5. Substance abuse. ...
  6. Narcissism. ...
  7. Anger management issues. ...
  8. Codependency.

Why does he always reply but never text first? ›

He could just be busy. If he's having a busy time at work or with his other personal life, he might not be able to text you first all the time. It also means you're not really a priority to him. Guys who text you first are making you a priority.

How long to wait for him to initiate contact? ›

Give it a few days (or even a week).

Waiting 2–3 days or up to a week before reaching out gives him a chance to text you first once he realizes what he's missing. If you've waited more than a week and still haven't heard back from him, it might be time to move on.

How do you show interest without chasing? ›

Eye contact: Flirty eyes are a great way to show them interest. Smile: Make sure you smile as they share a story or answer a question. Subtle touch: If the opportunity presents itself, putting your hand on their forearm or upper arm is a great way to let them know you're interested without being too forward.

Do men miss you when you don't contact them? ›

Does no contact make him miss you? Yes! One of the best ways to use silence after a breakup is to cut off all means of communication. That includes going silent on social media after a breakup.

Should I wait for my ex to text me first? ›

Wait 4-6 weeks after the breakup for your ex to text you first. If you're nervous or unsure about whether your ex-girlfriend wants to hear from you, you could wait for her to text you. That way, you'll know for sure she's ready to talk.

Why ignoring your ex is powerful? ›

Distancing yourself from your ex gives you space to explore your emotions, gives you the time to process the hurt, gives you perspective, and more, which eventually allows you to move on from the heartbreak. Forget what guys feel when their ex ignores them or what anyone feels when they are cut off by their ex.

When should you not text your ex? ›

Don't be hasty

Don't text your ex the moment you have the thought or the urge. Instead, go do something else to distract yourself, and see if in 30 minutes you still have the urge to text them. Watch a movie, take a bath, go to a workout class, whatever feels good for you, and leave your phone out of reach.

What to do with a hot and cold ex? ›

If your ex is being hot and cold with you, the simplest way of dealing with it is through communication. Talk to your ex about what's bothering you. Why you think they're leading you on, and ask them why they're doing it. Through communication, you can then choose your next step, even if it involves blocking your ex.

Is my ex breadcrumbing me? ›

The Most Common Breadcrumbing Signs We See In Real Life
  • Asking For A Favor Or Doing You A Favor.
  • They Set A Date To See You And Then Stand You Up Last Minute.
  • Repeating Your Wants Directly To You But Never Following Through On It.
  • A Lot Of Talking To You While They Have Another Person They Are Dating.
May 11, 2022

How do you know if your ex regrets leaving? ›

  • Jan 26, 2023. 10 signs your ex regrets breaking up with you. ...
  • Reaching out to you. If your ex regrets dumping you, they will try to reach out to you frequently, either through text or social media. ...
  • Effort to meet. ...
  • Expression of regret. ...
  • The mutual friends. ...
  • Jealousy. ...
  • Efforts to look good. ...
  • Contact you.
Jan 26, 2023

How do you know if your ex is in pain? ›

One of the telltale signs he is hurt after the breakup is if he can't stop talking to you. Indeed, he knows you guys have broken up, but letting go is hard for him. He will text you, call to ask about your work and friends, or look for an excuse to hear your voice. These signs mean he cannot accept your separation.

Do your ex think about you? ›

If you're wondering if an ex still thinks about you, the answer is probably yes. This is simply because we create deep bonds with the people we have relationships with, and our memories of our former partners don't just disappear after a breakup.

Why do dumpers go without contact? ›

The psychology of no contact on dumper is a coping mechanism to help you think hard about what went wrong and how you could be a better person and a potentially better partner to the next person who will come along. Instead of thinking about your ex, you have to focus on self-improvement and healing.

How do you get your ex to text you? ›

Steps on How to Manifest Your Ex To Text You Back
  1. Make sure it's time to reach out. ...
  2. Know what you want. ...
  3. Visualize your goal. ...
  4. Create a plan of action for how you will manifest them back into your life. ...
  5. Make sure your intention is clear. ...
  6. Write out a positive affirmation about manifesting your ex back.
Jan 17, 2023

What happens when you ignore a Breadcrumber ex? ›

What happens when you ignore a breadcrumber? The moment you start ignoring a breadcrumber, you stop feeding their ego. Eventually, they will get the message and move on.

Is my ex seeing someone else signs? ›

Feel if they are distant.

If your ex suddenly grows distant from you, this can be a sign that they've moved on. If they longer share details from their life, no longer reach out to you for support, or no longer allow themselves to be close to you physically, they may be in love with someone.

How do you know if your ex wants to reconnect? ›

20 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
  • They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
  • They Keep You Updated. ...
  • They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
  • They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
  • They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
  • They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
  • They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
Jun 13, 2023

Does silence make your ex come back? ›

Radio silence simply refers to the act of being distant from your partner in order to make him come back to you. When done the right way, it allows your ex to miss and crave you more. It reaffirms and reawakens the feels he has for you, compelling him to come back.

What makes an ex miss u? ›

If you want your ex to miss you, there are a few things you can do to make them crave you even more and try to reconnect. Give them their space and let them realize the repercussions of your absence from their life. Step out of your comfort zone and try out new things like poetry sessions, theater plays, and so on.

Can you sense when your ex misses you? ›

There are a few practical signs that your ex misses you, like if they tend to keep popping up in your life or you notice them liking your social media posts. Those are the biggest indicators, but it's best to be straightforward and ask someone if you want to know how they're feeling.

How do you make your ex regret ignoring you? ›

15 tips to make him regret ignoring you
  1. Express your feelings (to him) One of the most direct ways to learn how to make him regret ignoring you is by being upfront about it. ...
  2. Get your story straight. ...
  3. Be less available. ...
  4. Spend time with friends (especially mutual friends) ...
  5. Block him. ...
  6. Pursue other options. ...
  7. Conclusion.
Mar 21, 2022

Why would my ex not want to talk to me? ›

If an ex partner is pushing you away or avoiding you, it means that they need space. You might not want to give them the space because it's scary and you're worried about losing them for good, but one of the best things you can do to get an ex back is to take a step back so that you can make a stronger comeback.

Should you respond to an ex or ignore? ›

Even if things did end in a less-than-ideal manner, you could still respond, especially if an apology or candid heart-to-heart was involved. This could provide you with closure, but if you're still upset over the breakup, it's perfectly acceptable to ignore it.

What are the stages of no contact? ›

These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We don't necessarily go through them in any specific order, and we don't graduate from one before we move on to the other and never look back. It's very possible to alternate between two stages, sadness and anger.

What goes through a woman's mind during no contact? ›

A woman experiencing the stages of no contact is likely to feel angry, sad, and lonely. While a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stages of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on.

What are the chances of an ex coming back after no contact? ›

If the relationship was good and the breakup response was decent by no contact being implemented soon enough, the odds are about 70%. So the best-case scenario of the No Contact Rule is a 70% success rate in getting an ex back.

Do guys sometimes wait for the girl to text first? ›

Yes, guys sometimes wait for you to text first.

While some guys like to make the first move, others are a bit shy. Don't be afraid to make the first move! Pay attention to how the guy acts around you. If he smiles and talks to you, he might like you back.

Why is he avoiding eye contact on first date? ›

He might be avoiding eye contact if he's attracted to you or if he's working up the courage to ask you out. He might also be avoiding eye contact if he's in a bad mood or feels guilty about something. Or, not making eye contact might just be a normal part of his personality.

Why does he never text me first but always replies? ›

He could just be busy. If he's having a busy time at work or with his other personal life, he might not be able to text you first all the time. It also means you're not really a priority to him. Guys who text you first are making you a priority.

How long should no contact really be? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Why is he not initiating dates? ›

It may not mean that he's no longer into you; it might be that he's just comfortable letting you take the lead in the relationship. You can either ask him point blank, continue to wonder, or stop initiating contact with him and see what happens. I advise you to ask him directly.

What annoys guys when texting? ›

Going overboard with the emoji.

1/3 of men think more than 3 emojis in a text is too many emojis. Only 21 percent of men use emojis themselves. 3. Making vague suggestions that he entertain you, such as: "I'm bored," "What r u up to?," and "Heyy hows it goin?" (This is for those of you in the dating world.)

Do I look desperate if I text him first? ›

Feel free to text him first.

You've probably been told at some point that you should wait for him to make the first move. The truth is, you don't have to! You can totally text him a short message that lets him know you're interested. This also shows him you're confident and not afraid to get what you want.

What do guys find attractive when texting? ›

Guys love hearing what you like about them.

You could mention how he looks, how he handles a situation, or how you feel about him. Just try to stay away from heavy-handed compliments if you don't mean them though; guys can see right through them. “I bet you're looking really handsome today 😘 just like every day!”

Why does my ex avoid looking at me? ›

Avoiding eye contact may indicate lack of interest, avoidance, denial, or awkwardness. If you try to have an honest conversation with you ex, but he or she continues to be fidgety and avoiding your gaze, your ex may not be ready to talk with you yet.

Do guys miss girls during no contact? ›

Men may not miss you for some days after the breakup. But that is just an initial phase. After things start to settle down, the male mind, during the no-contact phase, starts to look for your presence in his life. He slowly starts to miss you and your presence in his life.

Can avoiding eye contact mean attraction? ›

Yes. Avoiding eye contact can indicate a sign of attraction between two individuals. You might be avoiding eye contact with a girl because you are nervous about speaking. You may catch yourself glancing at her for a long time, and you might look away when her eyes meet yours.

What is dry texting? ›

Close Settings. As a phrase, “dry texting” is relatively recent in the grand scheme of things. It refers to people who reply with one word, or don't carry the conversation and just say things like “lmao” and “wyd” until the receiver wants to tear their hair out in frustration or boredom.

Can a guy like you but not text first? ›

Sometimes, these guys might just not be texting first because they're enjoying you making the first move – they respect female power and they assume that you're loving what you're doing. The key with these guys is not to get sucked into endless texting. It's fine to text first but, again, make it a means to an end.

Can a guy be interested but not text? ›

Can he? Yes, very much so. He could be scared of texting you too much and coming across as desperate. So he may not be texting you because he does not want to come across that way.

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